February 1st, 2010

Episode 1: 4:00pm – 5:00pm

I watched about six episodes of Season 7. Jack was in Washington defending torture on C-SPAN then Tony Almeida showed up and it turned out, not dead! However, he’s a bad guy! Except he wasn’t!  He was a good guy pretending to be a bad guy. He’d been working undercover with Bill Buchanan who managing his own private CTU and dressing like he’s about to give the keynote at Macworld. Anyway, everyone shouted “The C.I.P. device! The C.I.P. device!”  for six hours so I gave up and dug out my old VHS copies of Desmond’s to remind myself why I like TV in the first place.

One year later Season 8 begins, to which I say: There’s an old African saying, if you sit on a rotten tree-stump to eat paw-paw, your bum will get wet as well as your mouth.

Wikipedia says that Season 7 ended with Jack getting the human form of Mad Cow Disease and being saved by his estranged daughter’s stem cells. (Poor Elisha Cuthbert, back again to pay the bills. If only you were a decent actor, you could be banging Everybody Loves Raymond like Nina) Oh, and Tony was a bad guy all along. Except in seasons 1 to 5.

Season 8: Jack’s on a sofa with his granddaughter in New York. “You don’t look like a granddad,” says the little twerp. Fifteen minutes later David Aceveda, the cocksucking captain from The Shield knocks for the big twerp and says, “my mates are going to kill President Alan Queidajad before he signs the peace accord that will destroy all naughtiness throughout all mankind, give me immunisation or else.” Jack hardly bothers with his “I’m too old for this shit” routine and calls up all new CTU. They’ve got computers in glass tables now but they’re rubbish because you can’t play 2-player Pacman on them. Chloe’s working there. She’s especially cranky, probably because a sore neck from staring into her desk. Jack has to take Captain Cocksucker to a helipad five blocks away so CTU can collect him. In the end Horace Goodspeed bazookas the chopper and kills Shieldface.

Same as it ever was. See you for Season 9. That is, unless the Dharma Initiative have branched out to political assassinations…

Posted on February 1st, 2010 by Truphtooph
Filed under: Television